As an Asian man, standing right next to him, dudes would just completely disregard me.
I haven’t had to deal with Asian fetishization; I mean, how often have you heard women say, “Oh shit, I only date Asian guys! There’s this expectation that the man should have an equal or higher degree than the woman, and for me and my fiance, it obviously wasn’t the case.Yes, because my parents have two pretty different perspectives: My mother wants me to find a husband who is stable with a lucrative career, while my father seems to be more concerned that I find someone that I can really emotionally connect with, someone that’s simply a good person.The fetishization Asian-American women have to deal while dating is pretty widespread. There’s always a question in the back of my mind of whether the person I’m dating is attracted to me for the right or wrong reasons.It took a lot of time and convincing for my parents to accept him, even though it didn’t work out in the end.In Indian culture, it’s not just the person you marry that matters; it’s also the family they come from.It’s interesting; they don’t seem to know what’s appropriate to say and what isn’t.Physical appearance is something they always bring up and they always come on extremely strong and in your face from the beginning.Not only do I not wish to date within my own race, I prefer to date my own gender.This has caused a great rift between her and I, and only now has the subject been periodically breached, as I’m very open about my sexuality and my current partners.My mother’s past spills over into her expectations with what she hopes to see in my partner. She says, “Kevin, you need to find someone who is going to take care of you.” But I struggle with this, because the biggest thing I’ve learned from my mother is to always hold my own, no matter what. Like my mother, I am resilient and I am a go-getter.I don’t place financial status at the forefront when searching for partners, and neither should my mother, because she did everything right in raising me to be the independent person that I am. At the time, I was working and living in New York City. I appreciated the experiences we shared, but looking back, I think I let my insecurities get in the way of fully living in the moment of our relationship.