I was a virgin, my wife was not, together we hadn't gotten much past second base, and neither of us had laid our kink cards on the table.We were (and still are) introverts with poor communication skills and anxiety/depression/mental-health issues.That he was willing to see a counselor and work on sex were also good signs.
I was a very experienced woman (five years as a swinger and partners numbering in the high double digits) when I first met the man who would become my husband. We also had an amazing friendship, and we were never as happy apart as we were together. We went from once a month to a couple times a week. It's not as frequent as it once was, but it's really good when we have it. Am I the first or the hundredth person to write in? I suspect you don't see it in your inbox very often because this isn't what most people would consider a problem and we don't want to waste your time!
In a recent column, you said you never hear from married couples whose sex life got better and more frequent over the years. My wife and I were married 24 years ago, and we are currently having more sex and better sex than we did in the first years of our marriage.
There are many reasons why, including therapy, antidepressants, and weight loss and subsequent surgery—but I would have to say that the big reason is communication.
I had trust issues and guilt issues—boring stories—and I got a lot more comfortable once we'd made that commitment.
Now we have two kids, and we have sex almost weekly. ) I doubt it's the norm, Dan, but that's what happened with me.