There is a reason they call it liquid courage, right?But when you’re in recovery (or even if you’ve just decided not to drink), throwing back a cosmopolitan or two a la Sex and the City style is just not an option. You can really do anything sober, date night included.“My boyfriend now — who is not in the program — doesn't see me as an addict.He sees me as a smart, fun, sexy, loving mom who doesn't drink and who has changed her life. It's also awesome to have a reprieve from the world of AA, which, quite honestly, can be a fucking bore.”And, the cons of dating people who aren’t sober? And, the differences in lifestyle that don’t feel huge in the beginning of a relationship can begin to take a toll down the line.“The pros of dating in the program are that, chances are, the guy won't leave me when he finds out some of the things I have done.Or how many people I have slept with,” she says, half-jokingly.One guy told Hannah point blank, “I love fucking you, but you're a transitional girl — not exactly marriage material.”There are no hard and fast rules.
Nothing is cut and dry, and love is messy wherever you find it.We get so many amazing tools in the program, and if you take them and run with them, then you can be a stellar human and the best version of yourself possible.” But, even she’s been ambivalent.“There have been times when I’ve told myself I would never date a guy in recovery again, but I've wavered. [The relationships] can be the absolute worst or the best.”That’s because, beyond the threat of relapse, those in recovery can sometimes substitute one addiction for another.“Listen, before we do this, I need to tell you something...”I agree.That’s one of the main upsides to dating somebody who’s also sober.Natasha says, “The main con is that it is guaranteed that this person has a ton of hang-ups and emotional baggage.They may well be using other ways to 'act out' now that using or drinking is off the table.”My own experience with the program is that other addictions sometimes run rampant, morphing into other areas of their lives. Many people, when they finally get sober, develop issues with food, gambling, sex, and spending.I say grab it with both greedy hands if you stumble upon it, and do whatever it takes to keep it, as long as it works for you. For most people, the thought of going on a first, second, or third date sans alcohol sounds like an absolute nightmare.The old “I’ve wrestled with my demons and won” line? How about a simple, “I’m a pretty hot colossal f**k up”?It’s always a little awkward when a potential date wants to “meet you for a drink.” Telling them you’re sober feels like confessing to some horrible chronic STD.