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Jean said her ex always criticized the Chinese government “with a set of democratic thinking,” and without putting the discussion “in the historical context.” When talking about the 1937 Nanjing Massacre, in which China claims 300,000 were killed by the Japanese army, for instance, her ex said “the Chinese government is not completely innocent.” He went on to challenge the death toll, even after Jean cited official documents, which annoyed her. “I understand democracy no less than him,” Jean said.

“Democracy also has its own problems.” Sally, 23, who would only like to be known by her English name, dated a German soldier two years ago when she was an exchange student in Germany.

But while dating seems to be on the rise, marriage is still unusual—thanks to political differences that are often irreconcilable, according to the women I spoke to, who were all between 21 and 25, prime age to start looking for a husband in China.

The real “danger” of love between a Chinese woman and a foreign man is that it doesn’t ultimately go anywhere, the women I talked to said.

Transcending cultural differences and customs is just a small step to achieve that.

A rude and arrogant gesture set a bomb on the subsequent emotional life.2. Romantic relationship or marriage need sincere heart operation.

It was interesting at first for Xu to learn about Spanish culture from her ex-boyfriend, she said, especially after feeling she had nothing to talk about with Chinese guys in her age because “everything is familiar.” But the remark about China’s former leader, Mao Zedong, was too alien, she said. She’s not happy about the word “dictator,” because that makes Mao the equivalent to Adolf Hitler or Joseph Stalin, Xu explained.

“In his eyes, Mao was a horrible figure,” she said, “but he doesn’t know our parents’ generation still thinks he was amiable and respectable.” Many Chinese people in their fifties or sixties still sing “red songs” to pay tribute to Mao, and carry out memorial ceremonies for him annually, so he shouldn’t just identify Mao as a “dictator,” she tried to explain to him. A 21-year-old college student in Beijing, who would only like to be identified as Jean, tells me she dated a guy from the US two years ago.

“I wondered how he thought as a foreigner,” she said, and her ex wanted to know the same.

But these discussions in part ended the relationship.

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