Melanie's healing and teaching methods have liberated thousands of people from the effects of narcissistic abuse world-wide.“Hoovering” is the term used to describe a narcissist trying to re-connect with you after a time of separation.
Often, this separation occurs after a time of silence between you and the narcissist.
Namely, the narcissist’s despising of you, and malicious attacks, are all to do with him or her trying to destroy the parts of him or herself that the narcissist detests; the parts that the narcissist f – getting a hit of attention to stop the narcissist from collapsing inwards and being eaten alive by his or her own tortured inner-being.
Hoovering is NOT about love; it is about necessary narcissistic emotional survival – and everything and everyone is merely an object serving that need.
They need narcissistic supply to emotionally exist.
They need to know that they are affecting someone, or someone hasn’t got over them, and that this person is at their beck and call, and that they are “captured” as a future feed if necessary. They tend to keep multiple sources of supply as backup, the same way crocodiles store pieces of meat under rocks when other food supplies fall low. The worst insult possible to a narcissist is when a person creates their own up-levelling, truly detaches and reaches the healed point of: “You Are Not My Reality.” There is no greater threat to the narcissist’s ego than being rendered Because the narcissist has no ability to generate, validate or sustain his or her own emotional well-being, people opting out of the narcissist’s stage play confirm the narcissist’s greatest terror – that he or she is unlovable, abandoned and this fails, and produces results that are far from effective in granting the narcissist comfort, connection and stability – the narcissist’s twisted perceptions then create the ultimate devaluation that the narcissist’s projected wounds have been playing out all along.
You see, abusers who are narcissist don’t learn by their mistakes.
They are not genuinely remorseful, and therefore not accountable or capable of real change.
I myself have experienced the return bouts as horrendous; they happened more and more frequently and violently.Melanie Tonia Evans is an international narcissistic abuse recovery expert.She is an author, radio host, and founder of Quanta Freedom Healing and The Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Program.” And why do they attempt to make contact with issues that normal people would have resolved for the narcissist to then disappear again?The answer, truly, is simply because narcissists are empty voids.Naturally, the understandable human model before self-recovery is to hope (despite the repeated evidence) that this person has finally “got it” and will stop the atrocious behaviour.It’s also “normal” when not receiving a genuine “sorry” to be incensed, fight for accountability, and / or try to force this person into being the person you thought you had signed up for (if a love-partner), or be the family member / parent they by normal humane standards. There is a period of CALM, then TENSION builds, then ABUSE happens, and then RECONCILIATION takes place …” Why do they come up with phony excuses to contact you, in order to attack your weak spots (which of course he or she has studied and known for some time) such as guilt, or defending yourself with justifications against bogus claims, and why does this person text or say things by email that are guaranteed to get your head spinning trying to work out “What on earth did that mean?” Why narcissists keep acting out the same behaviour – the cycles of “I want you,” and then repeatedly devalue and discard you?The hoovering generally happens when you are not making contact, and at times when you are trying to get on with your life.If you are the one trying to contact and make-up, it is more likely that the narcissist will devalue and discard you.