In private, however, it is perfectly acceptable to turn up the ballads and ugly cry into your pillow.
And then drink a lot of alcohol and flirt up a storm like you just got out of two-year relationship. All jokes aside though, there is an upside to this suspension of traditional boyfriends and girlfriends.
There was the one with my neighborhood gym after a trainer exercised my number too much. I almost felt like chasing it with, “At least you had a boyfriend to break up with you.” But then I realized how ridiculous and unhelpful that sounded.
And there was another with Diet Coke, which took the longest and was most painful. When a friend called me to lament a recent breakup, that was about all I had to draw on to empathize with her.“I’m sorry,” I said. In an age where we embrace casual hookups, defer "getting serious" and eschew the labels, single people often find themselves breaking up with people they were never even technically seeing.
If you’re the one doing the deed, the breakup is pretty easy to navigate.
Just stop seeing or communicating with the other person, no explanation necessary.
And then you’ve really broken up with someone who you never had.
I ended things last week with the homeless guy I used to buy an extra box of cereal.
Or rather, he ended things with me and ironically moved.
And two weeks ago, I broke up with my waxer after she left one brow looking perennially puzzled.
And before that, I had to say goodbye to my dealer who was shorting me an eighth.