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By nipping this trend in the bud as soon as possible, we not only stop disparaging an already stigmatised community, but we prevent another scheme of manipulating women entering the mainstream.

Why should you only have sex with the person you are in a relationship with?

This requires more commitment than monogamous relationships do – and it can’t be entered by force.” A pseudo-poly bro who tries to convince you that your thoughts, values and feelings are un-progressive, and that you just need to be a bit more “open minded” is about as far from the values of polyamory as it’s possible to get.

If men have no interest in a serious relationship, and are looking to casually date multiple people, that is absolutely fair and their choice, but that is what they should explain honestly. For decades women have been mocked and dismissed if they suggest they want a serious relationship, while men who do so are considered “a catch”.

People who identify as polyamorous sometimes argue it is a sexual orientation akin to being gay or straight, while others see it as a lifestyle choice.

Either way, polyamorous relationships are typically characterised by an intense sense of commitment – both to one’s primary partner and any additional relationships.

As apps such as Feeld, designed for non-monogamous people, flourish, so do the ever-increasing gender identities and relationship requests that can be listed on the likes of Ok Cupid.

Google searches for polyamory are on the rise, and a 2016 You Gov poll found that 31 per cent of women and 38 per cent of men believed their ideal relationship to be consensually non-monogamous, so it's easy to see why someone interested in seeing multiple women with zero commitment might see this as the perfect way to convince their partners to want the same.

This isn’t another term for taking on a mistress or seeing someone behind your partner’s back.

Whatever name we use - polyamory, ethical or consensual nonmonogamy – it is important to recognise such relationships exist, fulfilling and successful.

Many assume that a relationship can only exist if it is monogamous: in the sense that you can only have sexual relations with one person, with whom you probably share a deeply personal relationship. As with any idea, thinking carefully about why we accept (or don’t accept) monogamy has important advantages for us: either we strengthen our view regarding the idea, in this case monogamy, or we realise it is found wanting.

Founder Whitney Wolfe says: “While women have been trained to play hard to get, to be demure, we’re telling men to be aggressive and go after her.

When it comes to love and romance, especially hiding behind a profile screen, men become aggressive.


  1. Oct 26, 2016. It's a good time to be non-monogamous or polyamorous, but it can be hard to meet new. Here are the best apps for polyamorous dating.

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