What ends up happening is he becomes dependent on her to be his emotional crutch.Instead of getting stronger, he gets weaker and more attached to this girl.The two services used by these individuals were OKCupid and Match.com, two of the largest and most popular dating websites on the Internet.What I learned from carrying out an interview of a female and the interview of a male trying to dig into this intriguing subject was that using the Internet for dating is equally painful for men and for women, but for very different reasons.If the girl starts to give up on him, he’ll find some way to subtly give her hope for some kind of future. What usually ends up happening is that sooner or later, the “better thing” the guy was waiting for appears and the moment it does, he disappears. I don’t know if it was Hollywood movies, music, TV, an ever-increasing sense of entitlement, a decline in social perceptiveness across the populous… If you’re seeing a guy for a few weeks, everything is up in the air – just relax and let things run their course without being worried.After all, he doesn’t want to lose his emotional crutch/sexual outlet security blanket – then he’d be not only emotionally weakened, but also alone. If you’re the guy, this isn’t such a bad situation since he was able to enjoy a cozy comfortable pseudo-relationship in between. But if you’ve spent the majority of your free time with a guy for the last couple of months – you eat together, sleep together and support each other emotionally – and he’s making no effort to lock you down…So now we’re at this point: Girl has poured months or of love and obsession into this guy, hoping he’ll one day come around.
To get some insight into what women go through on these dating websites, I pulled aside one of my family members who I knew had spent some time on these sites looking for her future spouse. Actually, now that I think about it, that was how most of the messages I got started.RD: Did you get ANY messages from guys that seemed nice at all? AW: No, but the creepy messages most likely ruined it for any decent guys that might be around.Those messages made me run far, far away from online dating.On the one hand, he cares for her and wants her around. The rationale he makes in his head is that once he “gets himself together” (that is, he starts actually the things in his life that he intends to do), he’ll break things off with his not-girlfriend all good and tidy and go for the girl he actually wants to be with. most people go their whole lives The girl supports him emotionally and faithfully acts as his crutch so that he can find his strength and become the man he’s always wanted to be.After all, he feels better when she’s there versus when she’s not. She aims to bring him comfort and relief from his painful and tragic life.So months or years go by and the girl just figures (even after all this time) that if she just loves him enough, he’ll be strong enough to love her back.At this point, she’s in deep too – she’s invested so much into a relationship that she hopes will someday happen, but has yet to ever make its debut into reality.The typical scenario where a woman will label a guy a “commitment phobe” is when he’s been seeing a girl for a while – they spend the majority of their time together, they eat together, they sleep together and so forth…he won’t commit in an official sense. For most guys, he won’t catch feelings for the girl as long as he never looks to her for emotional support.That’s usually when they’ll come to me looking for answers. First, I can tell you right off the bat that he’s not a “commitment-phobe.” That term was invented by some psychologist to diagnose .0001% of the population for a very specific, extreme condition. Most likely scenario: The placeholder relationship. Once a guy starts leaning on a girl emotionally, he starts becoming attached to her on an emotional level.It made me SO uncomfortable that guys so much older than me, older than most of my siblings (all of which are 8 years plus older than me), were sending me messages telling me that I was “hot”.I am getting terribly uncomfortable just thinking about it.