This is the only way of knowing whether or not you are truly compatible.
Stage 2: Unsettled settling As Chris has noticed the landscape has changed. This is not about fault or blame and more about, once again, chemistry – the oxytocin has dropped.
But the bigger danger is that it does all click and both are so caught up in the greatness of it all that neither one wants to rock the boat and spoil the magic. That both partners hold back – you don’t bring up that he was late, or that she tends to dominate the dinner conversations even though it bothers you.
Physical distance keeps the potential emotional conflict at bay: You bite your tongue and by the time the next weekend rolls around your irritation has receded.
Chris has been in a relationship with Kara for the past year.What this all translates into for couples is the natural experience that things are settling or a winding down.Routines set in, the hot chemistry is okay, but less hot.Tasha has been dating Sam for 3 months and it has been the best time in her life.They immediately felt connected, the chemistry was hot, it was easy to see that he was a kind and considerate soul.The emotional side is finding that you have a lot in common, that your views of the world are the same, that you share a sense of humor or like the same music.Running along this is finding in each other what you most need – someone who listens or someone who seems decisive; someone who is gentle or someone who is strong and confident. One obvious danger or downside is that you never get beyond one or two dates.The challenge is being honest with yourself, taking the time to reflect and sort through your true feelings, not compromising or watering down your life.And if you have been biting your tongue and fearful of rocking the boat, your challenge is to resist the temptation.And the physical chemistry is about…well, literally chemistry, in this case oxytocin that fuels the sexual attraction and attractiveness, the obsessing about the other, the feelings of falling in love. You find you have a lot in common but her personality reminds you too much of your ex.Or you have a lot in common but there is no sexual attraction; you try to shift the relationship to friend status.