Validation is not the same thing as praise; it is more an acknowledgment of the person, whereas praise is just a compliment.To validate someone is to acknowledge the feelings involved, regardless of whether you agree with how the other person is feeling or not.
As a result, the child never learns how to regulate or tolerate her own emotions, and fails to learn how to solve the problems that are inciting these emotions.This can cause the child to feel that his total experience is not accepted, or even dismissed.A young child goes into the classroom by herself on the first day of school, although she is scared. ” On the other hand, “You were so brave to go in even though you were scared. What a good job you did,” validates the troubling feelings, remarks on the effort overcoming those feelings took, and praises the effort.It is important to remember that people tend to experience relationships and interactions differently.This means that what one person experiences as an invalidating environment is not necessarily experienced as such by another.It is possible that individual temperaments affect a person’s general sensitivity to invalidation, but everyone has times when they are more vulnerable or sensitive.It is important to note, however, that invalidation—as it relates to the development of borderline personality disorder—is not a periodic experience, but a pervasive one.Possible explanations (other than psychopathy) are: a low capacity for empathy and compassion, not understanding or valuing the importance of validation, and/or not knowing how to express it effectively. The well-intentioned invalidators often defend that the goal is to help someone feel better or differently — to an emotion they judge as a more accurate, more valid one.If you’re the recipient of invalidating messages, know this: YOU’RE NOT CRAZY! So critical in fact, that parenting experts report that it’s one of the most important things a parent can do to foster healthy psychological development in their children (Read: The Power of Validation by Karyn D. Denying someone’s feelings and emotional experience can make them feel like they’re going crazy! Conversely, invalidation is one of the most damaging forms of emotional abuse.