When a person (male or female) realizes that only they themselves can be responsible for their emotions, actions, and reactions…
they break the chain of seeking a sense of OK-ness externally.
Personally, I have had breakups where I pretty much went cold. I wanted her to be OK, I wanted good things for her in life, but I knew that nothing was going to make the situation better.
No discussion was going to fix things, no clarity was to be had – it would have just been an emotional toilet for both of us.
In the case where you dumped the guy, one common reason is that the guy doesn’t want to be alone, he doesn’t want to deal with his grief over the breakup, and he doesn’t want to “deal with himself.” When he jumps into another relationship, he can get a dose of external female validation and derive a feeling of false sense of self-esteem and self-worth from her positive attention.
It has its cost though and eventually devolves into a crippling neediness.
and therefore sets countless impossible expectations into motion.all they feel is suffering and they want it to end. and honestly, I think all of us, man and woman, have been there at one time or another. It doesn’t mean anything about you, your worth, your attractiveness, your value, etc.MORE: 13 Unmistakable Signs Your Ex Misses You Again, all this was said in the context of if they guy was the one who was dumped. I hate to say it, but this is usually a case where the guy wasn’t feeling happy with the relationship for a while and when another opportunity came along, he jumped ship. I don’t have much to say about it, other than that it sucks and that your best move is to move on, get back out there and date new people. It has nothing to do with you, you don’t need to understand, you don’t need closure.In the same regard, when a relationship ends, it is much much harder for a guy to go back and discuss and revisit and talk through and explain, etc. MORE: 5 Hidden Signs Your Ex Still Loves You (Even If He Says He Doesn’t) In fact, guys like to keep their emotional spectrum focused on a tight range of emotions – somewhere between amusement and contentedness.So any interaction that a guy knows will bring him out of that sweet range of emotions is an interaction he’s going to do everything he can to avoid.I don’t think it’s that guys don’t want to deal with the breakup…I think it’s more that they wouldn’t even know how or where to begin… but if I could go back and tell my 15-year-old self a piece of advice about breakups, it would be, “If you get dumped, just move on right away.I’ve heard things like: “When a guy’s relationship ends, he replaces her.When a woman’s relationship ends, she mourns,” or, “He’s just hooking up with such-and-such to spite the ex-girlfriend,” or “Guys just don’t care” and other nonsense.For people that haven’t yet fully realized that all of us need to be emotionally responsible (which is most people), this is where much of the pain of the breakup originates from (they blame themselves for not “measuring up”…or they blame the other person for not “making them happy”… It’s incredibly painful to believe that someone else could be responsible for your emotions or that you could possibly be responsible for their emotions.