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Damn boy u must be my GPA because I know I could do better I’m just too lazy to actually try Feed me pizza and tell me I’m pretty and the odds of butt stuff is def in your favor Daddy issues and a low self esteem, holla! But if a woman sleeps with a lot of men, she’s called a slut, and people think this is unfair… To be a stud you have to be witty, charming, be well-dressed, have nice shoes, and a fake job. There are fat ugly sluts out there, there are not fat ugly studs. I think that’s all you need to know I’ll make you dessert, if you don’t like it, there is always me ;) The only reason I want a boyfriend is so that when I’m singing Fergilicious and it’s at the part where she says “I be up in the gym just workin on my fitness he’s my witness” I can point to him and he’ll do the little ” woo OOH” part because right now I have to do both parts by myself and it’s stressful because right after the woo OOH part I have to get right back into rapping and the transition is harder than you think Tessticles (haha that’s Tinder gold! Mirror selfies, rig shots and roid monkeys need not apply. I look like a kid, if you are into that kinda thing. Which means I know how to ride a di** but I’m still not sure how taxes work. I work at subway so I’m pretty much an expert on 6 inches and I make some damn good sandwiches. Whenever I meet a pretty girl, the first thing I look for is intelligence. I keep 300 heifers satisfied every day, looking to make that 301 Medium-small penis. 5 Stars: “Made 50 Shades of Grey seem as tame as the Teletubbies” – Anonymous Tinder Woman 1 Star: “Stop asking me for a review you weirdo” – Anonymous Tinder Woman 5 Stars: “So sweet” – Mark’s mum So you’re looking for ‘the one’ huh? but you’ll be so sexually starved when you do that you’ll fu*k him on the first date, he will lose interest, the sweet texts will stop and you’ll be all alone with your pizza rolls swiping left and right again while he dates someone that’s challenging enough to keep his interest for longer than a weekend. The slowest drink at the saddest bar on the snowiest day in the greatest city.