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Dating someone with lots of debt

You and your boyfriend, should you guys get engaged, may have to sacrifice some of your ideas of what a “nice wedding” looks like.You may have to compromise on your ideas of a nice life, too.Frankly, I’m kind of surprised you even have to ask whether your debt is something you should mention to your boyfriend, and I’m even more surprised that you seem to think the cost of your wedding is the only reason — or at least, the only reason you mention in your letter — to broach the topic of your financial limitations with him. But I also know that even if I am not making a big financial contribution to my marriage, I contribute so much in other ways, and on good days — which definitely outnumber the bad days — I choose to focus on those things.A wedding is one day in the rest of your lives together. I’m a good cook, for example, and a good mom and I’m fun to be around and good at organizing both our social calendar as well as our kitchen pantry, and I make a kick-ass Bailey’s martini. Most of them agreed — finding out someone we’re dating had K in debt would be a red flag, but if it was for student loans, that would be one thing.How are you going to walk away from the love of your life if you find out he has K of CC debt? Tell him exactly how much debt you have and what your monthly minimum payments are.

Question: I have been dating this woman she has some stress from past debt, her job currently doesn’t cover her personal loans and credit card balance.” and I grabbed the note, threw it away and said “Nothing.” He recently started bringing up the marriage talk, which I also avoid. — Confused-Ramen-Eating-Hopeful First of all, YES, of course you should tell your boyfriend of three years, whom you are thinking about marrying and who is beginning the discussions of such a commitment, that you have significant debt.Of course, I want to get married and have a wedding with flowers and a kick-ass white dress, but that costs money. So I’ll say, “let’s just get married at the courthouse,” but that doesn’t really work because he wants a nice wedding. And in case you missed my column last Friday, your money situation isn’t the only topic you should be talking about with your boyfriend if you’re serious about each other. This simple question is a lot more complicated than it looks: Not surprisingly, the typical personal-finance “expert” has a pre-prepared piece of advice handy: “Always talk to your partner about their finances! ” Uh, yeah, that’s a nice theory, but most people don’t talk to their partners about money for months, if not years. If it was CC debt for frivolous purchases, that’s an entirely different thing.To avoid personalized advertising based on your mobile app activity, you can install the DAA’s App Choices app here.You can find much more information about your privacy choices in our privacy policy.Would you dump your girlfriend if you found out she had ,000 in debt? If you wait too long, you’re already embroiled in the relationship. So now you have a Catch-22: If you talk about money too early, you come across as a weirdo/gold-digger/controlling freak.Explain that you never meant to keep things from him but that you’ve been ashamed and scared to open up before now.Let him know you love him and it’s that love and faith in your relationship that’s prompting you to open up now.

773 comments

  1. The findings dovetail with MONEY’s research into. with 40% saying a lot of debt is a. “When you’re dating someone and you have the conversation.

  2. My boyfriend and I have been dating for. “Should I Tell My Boyfriend About My Debt. he won’t understand debt. As someone who is lucky to have a.

  3. When should you talk about finances in a relationship. Most of them agreed — finding out someone we’re dating had $80K in debt would. Lots of things.

  4. Why I Wouldn’t Marry Someone With Student Loan Debt. never not spend my life with someone because they had debt. Don’ts I Learned From Dating A Coworker;

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