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Dating men like your dad

You don’t have to have a bad father or an absent father to have daddy issues.

I came to your website looking for answers and when I read your posts on narcissists and Daddy Issues my whole world blew up. I work in a male dominated industry and am pretty successful in it, financially independent and still physically attractive.I’ve always seen myself as a strong, successful, progressive, attractive, independent woman. I know this is why I allowed a truly bad guy to destroy me and everything I thought I was. My family does not ever ever ever talk about anything of substance. Not only did I leave my relationship with an emotionally unavailable man I had to face my own trauma with my father. Especially the relationship and emotional unavailability articles.My dad was a functional alcoholic who would go on benders every weekend. Today was a rough day-but I’m managing and taking care of the little one. It has been a hard 5 months of self relflection and understanding my “compulsive repetition” pattern. I’ve read a lot of articles (prior to yours) and talked to a lot of people trying to figure out what the hell was going on in my fairy tale relationsh*t and within myself, and have gotten no where but more confused and defeated. I knew the what and why in a very foggy state; you pulled me out of that fog and gave me clarity, and now I am all the more ready and anxious to break this toxic pattern, embark on the road to forgiveness and move forward. Eternally grateful, SThank you so much for writing this article…it has given me that extra push to go ahead and seek out a counsellor for my issues. Your words “your dad is the first man you say I love you to”, really hit home with me because I never got to say I love you to my father and I was 7 years old before I had a step dad that I could say it to and he didn’t say it back.So every time I saw my Dad, he was just trying to make the most out of the day and as great as that was, it disallowed a certain realness and connectivity that would have been there if I was able to see him and live with him on a daily basis.Dad and I didn’t really get into the heavy stuff because we just wanted to enjoy our day. For a while now, I’ve wanted to post a photo of my parents and title the blog post “A Photo of Everyone I’ve Ever Dated.” I’m not sure about that exact approach, but I’m definitely going to write a post about dating versions of our parents soon because it’s one of those things where once you make the connection, your life changes.You stop negative patterns right in their tracks because you immediately know better.Dad is the first man that we ever say “I love you” to and the man that we subconsciously compare every man to. With dads that are emotionally unavailable, the daughter convinces herself that if she does/is good enough, she’ll get Dad to stay/validate/love her, etc.This then sets her up with a lifetime VIP pass for riding the f*cktard ferris wheel because it allows her to justify staying in relationsh*ts.As I got older, this led to me going after guys that were not only emotionally and physically fleeting, but that were completely emotionally disconnected and narcissistic.I had become emotionally unavailable myself and I still battle my reverse narcissism to this day.

662 comments

  1. Sep 20, 2017. Your father is your first male role model, whether good or bad, and your. “It's almost like you end up attracting men who are likely to reject you.

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