We examined if attachment insecurity influenced initial romantic attraction in the actor and partner, and whether effects were moderated by culture.Participants (n = 93 heterosexual participants, 42 of Western ancestry and 51 of Chinese ancestry) completed a measure of attachment and subsequently completed a speed-dating session.He's healthy and in good shape and not a bad-looking guy, but I just don't look at him and think, According to all my friends who are in relationships, that's a problem.I think it's appropriate that I have been protecting myself from forming physical/sexual desires for him while we're still just friends.Thanks for any advice you can give or past articles you could point me to. The attraction question seems to be coming up a lot lately! I guess my first question back to you would be, "Is this about how he looks or how he acts? " I believe that men tend to be more swayed by whether they like the way a woman looks, while women, generally speaking, base attraction on what a man is like — his personality.And a guy with a great personality can become attractive to a woman as she grows in friendship with him.He didn't have "the look" I always imagined myself with, though I thoroughly enjoyed being with him and was eager to grow in friendship from the start.
Is there enough between you — in the form of friendship and mutual enjoyment and respect — to give love a chance to develop? I wasn't completely attracted to Steve when we first met.Do you think it's possible to grow to be attracted physically to someone over time? I am starting to return his romantic feelings because I connect so well with him and he is a godly and caring man, but everyone says I'd be wasting my time and would only hurt him in the long run because if I don't find him attractive now, I never will.Because he's over 20 hours away, it's easy for me to ignore the physical factor, but I'm worried that if I allow him to pursue a relationship with me now, when I see him later in the summer my emotional connection will be strong, but I will feel uncomfortable with him physically.I think the media have given me this idea that when I really fall for a guy, I will immediately want to start making out with him. I'm not repulsed by him, but there's no sexual tension between us.I can't really put my finger on what it is about him that I'm not attracted to; it's just that he's not the type of guy I ever saw myself with.Attachment insecurity is generally associated with low romantic attraction from prospective partners.However, no research has examined the pan-cultural applicability of attachment and initial romantic attraction, referring to the extent to which attachment processes are implicated in romantic attraction across cultures.But so many people have told me that either you have this physical/sexual attraction or you don't, and if it's not there now, it never will be.It's encouraging to know that for you and Steve, it took some work and some specific changes in your appearance to foster that attraction.This has always been an important way for me to protect myself from having impure thoughts.I could count on my fingers the number of times I've touched this guy in the three years I've known him, and trying to transition my thoughts from viewing him as a brother in Christ to a potential husband is difficult.