Within the covenant community of faith, there should be those around a person that can speak of their reputation and whether they are serious about growing in the Lord and putting sin to death in their life. Is there seriousness in this person to grow in their relationship and understanding with the Lord?
Because what I have tragically found is that Christian singles hit an area of desperation, particularly young women, and they will go: “Yeah, he is a Christian, he comes to church.” And really what they’re saying is this guy comes to church a couple of times a month, but outside of attending a service, he doesn’t have a real seriousness about growing in his understanding of the Lord, growing in his understanding of the Bible, being a prayerful person, no vivication or mortification that can be spotted, and no one who really knows them enough to speak to the growth in their character.
I often know who is dating well before anyone else because they will secretly hold hands while sitting together on Sunday thinking I can’t see them. I’m always cautious of someone who wants to hide their dating life from their “friends.” Q. That doesn’t mean that the breakup won’t hurt, but if you love them by helping them follow and pursue God, it won’t leave scars. Rejection, while painful, does not impact our identity. You’re not staying with them because you care about them. What else have you learned from watching couples do this well and less well over the years? The people who date well follow a few simple steps: — They pursue character, not charisma. Don’t date them even if they’re rich and beautiful.
What advice do you give to couples starting to date at church? Make every decision in your relationship based on making sure that they will be better off because of your influence in their life. Our identity is found in Christ and what He has done for us. You’re staying with them because you’re comfortable, haven’t found anyone better and don’t want to do what needs to be done.
Now practically speaking, this means singles are seeking out people to speak into their lives.
If the relationship is outpacing knowledge of character, reputation, and knowledge of godliness, then that is way too quick.And I think those pieces are a much safer gauge than whether they highlight passages in their Bible and show up to service every week.Is there such a thing as “too fast” in Christian dating?But if you are in a context in which you have watched the person’s godliness, you have marveled at their character, you have rejoiced in what God has done in them and through them, then speed isn’t a big factor. What drove the speed wasn’t a flare-up of emotions — it wasn’t a fear of loneliness, or desperation, like maybe this is my only shot. Rather, there was knowledge of his faithfulness to God, his desire to serve the Lord, and his seriousness about the things of God.We have a staff person here who met and married her husband in a matter of months. I hardly knew they were dating before they were engaged.You get to see someone’s character on display before you begin to date them. Character is a foundational pillar of your relationship. When you date without knowing character, you’re taking a huge risk. He calls us to pursue people who are pursuing Him like we are.Being in a local church together gives you a chance to see who has demonstrated character and pursue them. It’s very difficult to see that outside of a local church context.Is that why, at 26-that-basically-rounds-up-to-30, I can be hopelessly alone on a Friday, despite being willing to split the check, carry the conversation, and even indulge an anecdote about your pet rat? As Nancy Jo Sales bleakly describes the dating scene and the effects of hookup culture, I can’t help but see a correlation with a seemingly opposite phenomenon in the church: courtship.It seems that the impetus behind hookup culture and the desires that drive courtship may not be all that different.In the world that Sales details, men and women sit side by side at a bar, and instead of exchanging wry glances and shy smiles, they’re ...podcast and answered ten questions on singleness and dating.