Christian Mingle had to approve my bio and photos before they went public. I thought choosing “Charismatic” would show how charming and fun I was, but Google informed me that it is in fact a kind of Christianity that “emphasizes the work of the Holy Spirit, spiritual gifts and modern-day miracles as an everyday part of a believer’s life.” Whoops.
The app chose my headline for me, which strangely announced that I was a “Single—never been married Woman.” That’s not how I usually introduce myself, but I guess my previous marital status was important to eligible Christians. At first I kept getting matched with men in their early 20s and was becoming frustrated by a lack of facial hair or bachelor’s degree.
I didn’t have one, so I chose the Old Testament instead. ) My Christian friends informed me that choosing a whole book wasn’t technically a passage, and that I could go with a popular section like “Love is patient, love is kind,” but that brought back too many memories of a dying Mandy Moore in .
I chose a profile photo of myself in a Santa onesie. It got approved, as did all my other conservatively dressed photos.
I wrongly assumed that without the judgment of God, we would be allowed to be a little more risqué with our cleavage.For just a moment, my cougar destiny had come to fruition.Some men put their religious needs right out there, like, “I’m looking for something that loves the Lord.” I was very intrigued by the guy who wrote in his bio, “I have not had a full girlfriend relationship, but one thing I have learned is if a girl shows signs of being annoyed by my presence, the best thing to do is back away quietly.”Not many men seemed enticed by my bio, but I did get a few “smiles,” which, I thought, meant I could chat with them. Christian Mingle charges a subscription fee for you to be able to talk to potential partners.I just can’t be mean at all — well, unless U are a royal biatch.”The same company seems to own other sites, like Shy Passions, Gaming Passions, Senior Passions, Trucker Passions, Native American Passions, Cosplay Passions, Punk Passions and so many more.Their success testimonials include very bizarre stories like this about women treating men poorly:“I will say when I started my pages about nine months ago, it took me a good month before I started seeing interest from people, and actually I have been exceedingly lucky to have found (just two months after I started) a wonderful man.Once I put all my personal information out there for the single atheists of the world to judge, I went to find someone to chat with.But there were only five members online, including me and the lone active man with a creepy photo.As much as I had hoped to celebrate Christmas one day, a month to flirt behind a screen was a bit steep.I tried “smiling” at a bunch of men, hoping that if they forked over the money, they could talk to me. Then I smiled back whenever I received a smile, hoping that there was a loophole (like two smiles = a free introduction).So when Christian Mingle asked me to fill out what I thought being a Christian means in my bio, I immediately thought of Christmas and filled that in.I didn’t think I’d have much luck on a site that asked me for my favorite Bible passage.