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To quote Albert Schweitzer, “In everyone’s life, at some time, our inner fire goes out.It is then burst into flame by an encounter with another human being.

It takes guts of steel to face what we have done--and to swallow the reality that we are learning to accept--WE created.There was one scene that stuck in my mind the minute I experienced it, and it was to witness this scene again that I watched the whole movie this afternoon.In the scene, Julia Roberts' character (Katherine Watson) approaches Julia Stiles' character (Joan Brandwyn) to discuss options for attending law school after graduation as opposed to becoming a housewife (the norm of the 1954 movie setting that Katherine strongly rejects).Recovering (or discovering) a sense of who you really are, which has been obscured by your obsession with pleasing or controlling others, is not for the faint of heart and does not happen overnight. So, no, it’s not possible to love someone too much…as long as your love comes from a place of emotional maturity.The more mature you are, the more deeply and authentically you can both love and be loved.The following checklist to evaluate emotional and spiritual maturity is often read aloud at Al-Anon meetings (originally developed for family members of alcoholics and addicts) and can be a helpful list for anyone seeking to truly grow up.Because we lived with parents who could not 'see us--or hear us--or feel us'--we never had our emotional or psychological needs met. As adults many of us enter into relationships expecting others to meet those needs our parents never met.Wounded--we internalized this abandonment--and like all children do--we learned to presume that we were not enough. We unconsciously manipulate people into our lives--and secretly expect them to do everything we want them to do--as a way to secure they never abandon us.We control them--manipulate them--lie to them--and pretend we have 'their' best interests at heart, especially at the beginning of the relationship.However, below the gossamers veil--in the pools of the unconscious mind--breathes the unfortunate truth.


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